Thoughts and Quotes to Ponder

Wherever there is a mountain, there is a life giving river running through it, and ultimately the river is stronger, so do not fear the mountains you face.

"Beauty is created with purpose....Beauty is created. It's intentional." - Lisa Wingate 

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"It's funny how what you are used to seems right even when it's really bad."  

That quote by a 12-year-old river gypsy spoken to her friend as she is helping her flee a very abusive home she is reluctant to leave in the book "Before We Were Yours" is profound. It explains how so much evil has overtaken cultures throughout history. Even God-fearing freedom fighters like George Washington who accomplished so much good for others could not see slavery for the evil that it is because slavery had been common practice around the world for thousands of years.

It explains how Hitler used propaganda and of the natural human longing to belong to a group to brainwash his people and build the cult of Nazism.

It's why Americans allowed the sexual revolution of the 1960's to take over our culture, destroying marriages and families.

It helps us understand how our nation can courageously stand for freedom, spending billions of dollars and sending our most courageous heroes into battle to rescue the oppressed while at the same time allowing and even funding via tax dollars the brutal dismemberment and brain sucking slaughter of millions of unborn babies. Instead of calling abortion the most evil form of genocide throughout all of human history, we call it a woman's right worth defending because evil seems good if you hear it, belong to those who support it, and are around it enough.

Open our eyes, Lord; give us spiritually discerning sight. Just because something is familiar doesn't make it right. Just because our people say it, do it, or defend it doesn't make it legit or good, nor does it mend it. Anchor us in Your word which shows us right from wrong. Help us stand on the Rock, upright, steady, and strong. (Isaiah 5:20, ESV)

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If we can't post the 10 Commandments on or near government buildings anymore, could we post this convicting verse instead to help temper our political discourse?

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45)

Throw Pillows

After I asked my literal, logical child to stop tossing my decorative pillows around the room and to place them back on the sectional where they belong, he replied, "They are called throw pillows after all."

 Mom: 0, Kid: 1

How Teachers Can Relate to the Frustrations of my Typical Kid

My 10-year-old has never seemed like a typical boy his age. As early as age 3, he would engage adults in conversations about topics more interesting to adults than kids. He would talk to Nana about gardening, decorating, and the weather. When with Pops, he talks about Duke basketball and mowing the lawn. He talks to his dad about space exploration, nuclear reactors, military strategy, and computers. He talks to me about theology, current events (he's especially interested in N. Korea's nuclear weapon capacity), politics, fitness, and finance - to the degree that he can understand anyway.
His favorite magazine right now is Popular Mechanics, and he also seems to like Money Magazine. He still likes Legos but primarily the programmable Mindstorm kind his dad likes best. When he was 4, he busied himself while I was homeschooling his sister by assembling his father's Lego Mindstorm kit. When he was ready to program it, he logged into his father's computer (apparently he had memorized the password by watching his dad type it in repeatedly over time) and figured out how to program the thing. Lego instructions are in pictures, and he had watched his dad to do that enough, too, I guess.

 

When our school hired new teachers, bought new textbooks, and replaced some chairs, he asked how that increased spending affected the school's debt-to-income ratio. When we spend money on large home improvements, he asks me if we have enough money to do that and today asked how paying mortgage interest impacts our income taxes. He wants to start investing/trading stocks, but he keeps blowing/investing his money on Pokemon cards. He'll get frustrated if you don't take that game seriously, playing by the rules and strategizing effectively.

He likes obeying rules when he can see the utility in them. Rules that seek to maintain order and fairness are his favorite. While his room may be messy, he generally likes structure and order, so when kids his age act like kids his age by running around wild, crazy, and loud when they are supposed to be working on a project, he gets annoyed. And his biggest peeve is when boys do not follow the game rules, cheating during recess. When kids in his project group smash what they are supposed to be studying or use tools inappropriately, he gets aggravated. So, as he was relating to me about his day today, he vented his frustration over the fact that the kids in his class acted like....typical kids.

"Did you lose your temper?" I asked him?

"Yes!" he cried!

"Uh-oh - did you act out in anger and get in trouble?" I asked.

"No, I only lost it on the inside," he replied.

"Did you politely ask your classmates to follow the instructions or tell them how their behavior made you feel?"

"Yes," he said, "BUT THEY WOULD NOT LISTEN!"

"Then now you know how it feels to be a parent or a teacher who gets to endure such behavior by kids all day long. Perhaps you should show some empathy and servant-minded kindness to your teachers and other parents. You could help make their days more tolerable, even pleasant, you know." - I said (or lectured).

While I may think my little man is odd, quirky, or not quite normal, I'm guessing there is no such thing as a typical kid, for they are all wonderfully, beautifully, and uniquely made. And if they behaved according to a predictable pattern, then parenting would be too easy. May we all seek to exude more patience, harness our tempers, love without condition, and find ways to better empathize, but let him not miss out, I pray, on the simple pleasures of just being a kid.
#PracticingPatience #LearningEmpathy

September & October 2016 - Catch-up

Labor Day

We seem to be developing a tradition of hosting a cookout on patriotic national holidays for long time friends.  Most recently, the Wises have been here for Memorial Day and Labor Day, and the Stark and Stephenson families joined us on Independence Day. The menu doesn't seem to change much each time. We grill chicken and burgers from the Fresh Market, veggie burgers, and corn with sides of fruit and my southern baked beans with bacon followed by S'mores plus cheesecake for dessert. Our daughter made a hugely popular 7-layer dip as an appetizer which everyone devoured while the meat was grilling.

We rarely get to see the Wises now that we live in a suburb so far away from them.  We attend different life classes at church, and our kids are at different schools, but we treasure their friendship more each year. They have three girls.  The two oldest girls are two grades a part with our daughter in the middle, so they make a terrific threesome. They've invited our daughter over for elaborate play dates many times over the years.  Three is usually not a healthy number since it seems one person gets left out, but for whatever reason, those girls are happiest when all three of them get together.

We had so much fun talking, I did not think to take pictures until it was dark outside and we were roasting marshmallows for S'mores around the fire pit. Their mom is gorgeous model material with perfect fashion sense, Martha Stewart domestic skills, and amazing entrepreneurial expertise.  She turned a new blog into a national sensation in less than a month and got asked to speak on national talk shows.  She turned it all down and shut down the blog when it disrupted her family time, which  she, unlike most moms, recognized as a direct disruption to her quality of life.  How fitting is her last name!   Her E-bay business is remarkable.  In this pic, she has no make-up on and had just arrived after a day on the lake.  Isn't she lovely?  I'm so blessed to call her friend.

Our poor boy was so outnumbered with all those girls there.

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Since school started the first week in August, our kids' days have been filled with school, music, church, and sports.  Out daughter stayed busy playing AAU basketball and middle school field hockey, while our son keeps up an active football schedule.

Field Hockey

Our daughter's field hockey team had the best season ever.  They won nine games, and only lost two games while one ended in a tie. They lost the first one narrowly by a one goal (and they would have tied it had a new layer not been inside some goal line) to an elite Ivy League feeder school, but they came back and beat them on their own turf during the second game.  They also lost to the top school in the state (also the most expensive) which has a feeder program that trains kids in early elementary for field hockey, (whereas our girl's team is comprised of girls who never played field hockey before). No one in our family had ever seen a field hockey game much less understood the rules when she went out for the team.  We are still mostly clueless about the sport.

Here's the team at yet another elite school with over 130 acres of land upon which to practice.  Our school owns only 10 acres and two small fields which are used for all field sports.  They beat them at home and on their opponent's turf.  So far, the team has 8 wins, and 2 losses.

Training at home, last game near the flooded region of the state, and fun bus ride home

Our daughter gives 110% at each and every field hockey practice or game.  After all that exertion, the coach and team mom noticed her wheezing, so we took her to the doctor for asthma testing.  Her other sports (gymnastics, volleyball, swimming, and basketball) have been mostly short sprints stop/start activities without the long term endurance training field hockey requires.  She did test positive for exercise induced asthma and must now use an inhaler before each practice and as needed. We were hoping she escaped all the ailments that plague her brother, but now she has asthma and what appears to be seasonal allergies (although no food allergies yet).

Football

Our son had a great first football season without injuries.  His team only won one game, the last game, but they all had fun.  He received an award for being best in defense. He may be small, but pound for pound, he was the toughest lineman on the team, according to his defensive line coach.

 Last Game

 

Awards Celebration

"Lead Linebacker" with his coach

Food

Our daughter is still enjoying experimenting in the kitchen when she has time.
The tween made homemade meatballs one night, but each person got meatballs stuffed with ingredients representing a different country. We had to guess which country she selected for each of us.

Thank you, Lord, for a daughter who likes to cook and has a knack for mixing spices and other ingredients for the perfect flavor. Thanks also for letting me forget to teach her proper food group ratios with vegetables comprising the bulk of the meal, beef secondary, and bacon added only for accent flavor because she reversed the order to create the tastiest stew I have ever had.

I was trying to talk to the kind lady at Great Harvest Bread Company one day (of many...I love that place!), but she seemed distracted. Apparently, my boy's smile had captured her attention because when she heard him say how much he likes lemon blueberry scones, she wrapped one up for him as a gift. His love language is food.

Critter Updates

Bunny Bath Aftermath

Muffin has been making up new Pilates moves again.

Orwell likes to do what Muffin does. He sits in Muffin's cage, hops around the house, and even eats Muffin's leafy greens. He has a plethora of resting positions of his own, but this pose is the quintessential bunny sprawl, likely copied from Muffin as well. Now let's see if he makes his ears lop for his next ape trick.

I buy my husband's cat all his food, litter, multiple deluxe scratching posts, litter box, toys, etc. I let him live here even after he destroyed all the carpets, expensive area rugs, leather sofas, recliners, chairs, bar stools, etc. which I spent countless hours shopping for to find just the right match for our new home. I even just bought him blue soft claws with shiny sparkles for his next spa day instead of getting him declawed. I organize play dates for him with his pal Boo. I discipline him gently and hang out with him all day long. I even let him take a portion of my husband's affection which should all belong to me. 😍 The cat sheds hair everywhere, but I'm the one to clean it all up. I even let him sleep on or under my luxurious sateen bedspread. But this cat still despises me. I try to be nice to him and play dumb cat games with him, but all I get in return are claws in my skin and sinister hissing. So how fair is it that I am also the one who gets to take this cat to the vet? This fall, he got a boatload of shots, and I continue to be his arch enemy. When can I trade this monster in for a dog?

One compromise we've made since my husband will not let let me get that monster declawed is that my husband has to keep his claws capped with soft claws.  I buy.  He and our daughter apply. This month I chose a blue hue with sparkles. Isn't he pretty with his new pedicure?

School Fun

4th Grade Science Day

4th Grade Fall Assembly

Our boy was so cute in that Neil Armstrong costume, I asked the mom who loaned it to the class if I could buy it from her. She gave it to our boy whose father's dream is to go to outerspace.

Tween Happenings

She's taking selfies now.  Have mercy!

She loves Refinery, our church's youth group program.  She enjoyed the 6th-12th grade girls' Bible study this summer and the weekly Bible study meetings during the school year.  They also do lots of fun activities as well like the Powder Puff  Bowl.  The 7th grade Green Chilis may not have won (or may have come in last), but they had fun while tailgating and playing football at the PBC Powder Puff Bowl.

State Fair

I can't stand going to the loud and crowded state fair where disgusting, dangerously unhealthy foods are overpriced, lines are long, animals are cruelly caged and make everything at the fair smell like feces, and high priced rides make me nauseous. But the kids love it.  So the best kind of friends are those who invite your kids to come with them to the state fair so you don't have to.  Some parenting roles are best outsourced.  And we all had fun!  Thank you, Christine!

Kids Disciplining Kids

I asked my kids why they didn't have as much fun at their friends' house today as the usually do, and the 9-year-old replied,"because [kid's name] would not submit to authority" despite repeated correction from his mom. (He had exceeded his daily screen time allowance and was instructed to "unplug".)

So I asked them how they responded to his behavior, and the 9-year-old said, "I wrestled him for the mouse and hid it so he could not keep playing computer games."

The 12-year-old separated the boys and took the batteries out of all the remotes and electronic devices with screens.

While giggling over their newfound appreciation for the Biblical commands to obey one's parents and to submit to authority, I made a mental note to employ their wrestle, hide, and deactivate strategies next time they abuse their screen time limits.

Then the child's parents called asking where the mouse was for their computer so the father could use it. Oops!

Great Quotes

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven." - Milton

I know I write about a lot of serious topics, but I hope my writing honestly about the injustice, pain, suffering, loss, tragedy, heartache, evil, corruption, and trials we all encounter at some point in this fallen world does not mask my joy. Joy comes from God and is completely unaffected by circumstances, whereas happiness is conditioned on circumstances or on getting whatever we think we want in life. This quest for happiness often leads to manipulation or coercion but never provides lasting fulfillment or true joy. As we pray for those affected by Hurricane Matthew, I am also praying for others to find true and lasting JOY, whatever the storm.
(Romans 12:2)

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"Legalism is self-centered; discipline is God-centered. The legalistic heart says, 'I will do this thing to gain merit with God.' The disciplined heart says, 'I will do this because I love God and want to please Him.' The true heart of discipline is relationships - a relationship with God." - Barbara Hughes

In other words, legalism never pleases God!

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During the long drive back from his last football game, my 9-year-pld noted all the road construction (NC road projects never seem to end) and asked, "Where does the government get the money to do all these projects?"

Imagine an election cycle in which registered voters (both dead and alive) actually pondered that question.

Articles to Ponder

God Has Not Called Us to be Nice

School, Cute Kids, and Crazy Critters

Middle School
One week I was rejoicing with surprise over how much I had been enjoying parenting the middle school years, but the following week, I realized that we just hadn't reached the difficult stage yet, which apparently begins in 7th grade. So we're donning our Ephesians 6 armor and constantly examining God's word for wisdom and truth. We moms are committed to praying each other through these middle school years, but given the trials that I sense await us around the corner, I thought a before and after picture would be amusing. Here is our before pic taken after only 17 days of 7th grade. How old and worn out will we each look by the end of the school year?

We're already seeing lots of mood swings and friend drama, but she still loves her friends dearly and goes to a lot of effort to decorate her friends' lockers.  It must be the top love language for middle school girls.

Kinderbuddies
The kinderbuddies program is very popular at our school.  Each 4th grader is paired up with a kindergarten student and serves as a big brother/big sister to help the younger students in their transition to school.  In our son's case, two boys are assigned to one younger student because our kindergarten enrollment is down this year.  They officially meet once a week, but they look for each other throughout the school year to wave, smile, and offer encouragement. Our son's class attended their kinderbuddies' flag pinning ceremony last week as well.  During their weekly time together, my son will read books to his buddy, teach him things he is learning in 4th grade (like the bones of the body as shown in the picture below), or help him with a craft. 

 

While driving my son home from school one day this past month, we had the following conversation:

Introverted boy: Sometimes I wish I was the only kid at school.

Me: [Gasping while mentally planning therapy sessions for him until remembering that introverts just need a little downtime after being around lots of people all day.]

Less than two minutes later.....

Introverted boy: I can't wait to go to school tomorrow because I get to read to my kinderbuddy and hang out with him. He's so cool. I sure do love my kinderbuddy time.

Introverts may need their quiet and their space, but they love others deeply with beautiful sincerity. I'm so glad I married one.

4th Grade

Based on his grades, the feedback I'm getting from his teacher who sings his praises, how much he loves his teacher, and pictures being shared on the class website, I think my son enjoys school more than he lets on.  He still thinks homeschooling is better, but he sure seems to have a lot of fun there, no matter how strict people say it is.

Mrs. Gardner's 4th grade class

His best friend Ben isn't in his class this year, but they play on the same football team and see each other at recess and lunch.  They still get together often during the weekends, too.  Here are a few recent outings of those silly guys together.


Middle School Teachers
Our new science teacher is every students' favorite. She's a huge blessing to the school, and I'm doing my best to keep her encouraged.  She's hands-own, organized, and so spunky.  I found this little pun on her classroom wall the other day.

 I hope they also do a lot of laughing in that class like we did in STEM GEMS.

Teachers need all the love and support they can get.

So, I've been trying to love and support another of our daughter's teachers with anonymous gifts and encouraging notes each week.  The gifts usually involve her favorite color and her favorite food.  I'm also trying to get to the school when I can to help her with lunch duty, so she can have a few moments of peace and quiet during the lunch period.  We take the 7th and 8th graders outside to the field house (and field) to release some of their energy and their noise.

My first day helping at lunch felt like a scientific investigation. For that day's sociological research study, we tested the validity of perceived stereotype vulnerabilities associated with 7th and 8th grade subjects with regard to student engagement, degree of respectful behavior, mode of emotional release, inclusive tendencies, and cross cultural, cross gender interactions as complex macro-nutrients are infused into the bloodstream during a brief period of release from the containment area while also being exposed to solar radiation and the scent of well used turf grass. (AKA - Middle School Lunch Duty )

School Pictures
While I know it can be very self-defeating to compare oneself with others and strongly warn against it, I still think it helps give our kids perspective when we share how much worse life was for us at their age or for children in other parts of the world. Out of all my tales of suffering and woe, nothing made my daughter feel better about her situation quite like showing her my 7th grade school picture when she wasn't happy with hers. The feathered wings had her in hysterics. :-) #anythingtomakehersmile #noshameover40 #awkwardyears
 

7th Grade - Daughter (L) vs. Mother (R) - She has her dad's smile!

Guys' Turn - Our son is in 4th grade, and I think his dad is in middle school in this photo.

By the time our kids are seniors in high school, let's hope our daughter doesn't have 80's hair like mine, but I imagine our boy will look like a Bop magazine pin up poster, as did his dad.

Crazy Critters

When the critters play hide and seek but forget who was supposed to seek, I have to find them both.

Orwell likes to do what Muffin does. He sits in Muffin's cage, hops around the house, and even eats Muffin's leafy greens. He has a plethora of resting positions of his own, but this pose is the quintessential bunny sprawl, likely copied from Muffin as well. Now let's see if he makes his ears lop for his next ape trick. #CopyCat

They also both seem to enjoy yoga and/or Pilates. Here is Muffin's latest pose.

 

The vet told our cat he was getting a little pudgy, so it looks like Orwell has started the couch to Christmas tree training program.

I buy my husband's cat all his food, litter, multiple deluxe scratching posts, litter box, toys, etc. I let him live here even after he destroyed all the carpets, expensive area rugs, leather sofas, recliners, chairs, bar stools, etc. which I spent countless hours shopping for to find just the right match for our new home. I even just bought him blue soft claws with shiny sparkles for his next spa day instead of getting him declawed. I organize play dates for him with his pal Boo. I discipline him gently and hang out with him all day long. I even let him take a portion of my husband's affection which should all belong to me. The cat sheds hair everywhere, but I'm the one to clean it all up. I even let him sleep on or under my luxurious sateen bedspread. But this cat still despises me. I try to be nice to him and play dumb cat games with him, but all I get in return are claws in my skin and sinister hissing. So how fair is it that I am also the one who gets to take this cat to the vet?  He recently got a boatload of shots, so I continue to be his arch enemy. 

 Orwell got a manicure earlier this month. He's trying a new color this time. How does blue sparkle work for him? Since my husband loves this cat so much, and I'm always scolding the cat, I jokingly call this the manicure that saved our marriage. (This soft claws were the last straw between the cat and me.  If he didn't stop ruining everything in the house, he would have to go. He still scratches, but these claw covers keep him from piercing so much.)

Two little critters sitting in a (cat) tree

 One is as curious as can be.