Schooling Indecision

There may not be many of us, but I know I am not the only mother who has spent countless hours researching, analyzing, fretting, and finally praying over schooling options for our children. We examine every possibility, study our children, ponder family factors, and try to discipline ourselves to keep praying. And once we make a decision, some of us still second guess, wondering if we made a mistake and then reconsider all the options all over again. It isn't an easy choice because what is right for each child in each family may change at any given time. 

Today was one of those days when I struggled greatly with our decision to send our kids to their current school and was so tempted to pull them out and revert to the option that is most comfortable for me because it gives me more perceived control over their education.  I am struggling with the fact that we are paying 50% more than our mortgage payment each month for them to learn so little.  I have a strong suspicion that if they were tested right now, they would score lower on the EOGs than they did last year. 

While I am no fan of helicopter parenting, it is hard to watch my daughter struggle so much.  At her last school, she was in a multi-age classroom and had skipped a year, so she was with students several years her senior.  Yet, she had amazing confidence which too easily turned into pride when she thought others were holding her back.  When she is humbled, her behavior improves, and I will say her classroom behavior has never been more respectful than it is now.  Instead of being overly confident, she is broken.  She longs to excel, but try as she may, the grading is so nit-picky that my right brained child still fails to see careless errors such as i's not dotted or t's not crossed. So our visual spatial learner must learn attention to detail even though it does not come naturally for her.  All the material presented thus far she has had before except Latin 2, which is consistently one of her highest grades despite never having had Latin 1.  Yet, she doesn't always excel in other subjects because of the nit picking.  She is growing in self discipline and attention to detail, but her spirit is downcast, and I fear she will stop trying.  No matter how hard she tries, her penmanship grades will likely never be high enough to make honor roll, and for a girl who has always been an A+ student, placing 2 to 10 years above her grade level on standardized tests, she expects nothing less than perfection for herself although she has faced similar challenges before.

She cried herself to sleep last night while I whispered cheers for her to persevere.  She needs to learn these hard life lessons, so I do not want to soften the blow too much.  Yet, the Bible verse that has been constantly running through my head is:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." (Colossians 3:21)

So I'm thinking that if you are going to hurt my child's self-esteem and crush her spirit, at least do it over something more significant than penmanship.  I hear that public schools don't even teach penmanship anymore.  Her handwriting is certainly legible and far better than mine, so I am proud of her no matter what grade they give her, and thankfully, this year is the last year in which penmanship receives it's own line item grade.

I am certainly no proponent of the current self-esteem movement and have published articles against it, for self-esteem can only come through an understanding of our identity in Christ.  Praise should be rooted in the gospel and given for real achievement, not fabricated feel good messages that belie the truth.  Yet, everyone is gifted in some way, but we are not all gifted in the same ways. I think Einstein may have been the one who said something profound to the effect of, "If you insist on testing a fish by how well it can climb a tree, then a smart fish will live the rest of it's life thinking it's incapable, ignorant or unteachable."

So given those thoughts and concerns, I made an appointment to meet with her teacher.  Before the meeting, my son's class held an assembly for the parents in which the students presented some of the material they have been learning through recitation, song, dance, and drama.  Following the assembly, the parents hosted a luncheon or social for students, teachers, and parents.

I admit I was distracted during the assembly as I considered what I would say to our daughter's teacher.  I did not want to offend her, but I knew our daughter just did not fit her teaching style.  I was not too distracted to miss taking pleasure out of all their cute songs and dances, however.  Here is short clip from their song about nouns.

This time I prayed first before worrying, and God immediately gave me two confirmations to stay the course. One was specific, unsolicited, sweet encouragement from another mom I met at the luncheon who had been where we are last year promising that this teacher and this grade were the hardest of all and serve as a boot camp of sorts.  If our daughter can survive this year, especially under this teacher, she will soar with extremely high grades next year and beyond. Second was the realization that the school choice isn't merely about what is easiest for us, and it is not even all about what we think is best for "our" (I put that in quotes b/c they are really God's children) children. The decision is more about resting in God's will and allowing Him to work in and through our children.  When we search for a church home, we should not be asking, "Where will all our needs be met?" but rather, "Where can we best utilize the gifts God has given us serve the cause of Christ?" The same applies to selecting a school for our kids.  This life is not about us.  It is about glorifying God and edifying others.  God has a divine appointment for each of our children wherever they are schooled, and today, I know in my heart that someone needed my kid(s) at that school more than I needed them at home with me, and that was all the assurance I needed to regain peace. May God's love shine in your kids and in mine and may He give us peace in whatever circumstances or leading he gives each of us.