Words You Can't Take Back

I am vehemently OPPOSED to giving kids (or teens for that matter) smart phones. As long as they  live in my house, I get to choose if they have smart phones, and even if they they pay for the phones and the monthly service, they are presently not allowed!  When we do let them have smart phones, they will pay for the monthly fee and we will be the administrators, with sole permission to set passwords,  install monitoring and blocking software, freedom to inspect every app, email, browser history, and the right to take them away at any time for disciplinary purposes.

I could write a lengthy thesis citing reams of research explaining why I feel so strongly about this issue, covering everything from mental, spiritual and physical safety concerns to lifelong damage done to brain development.  Cyber bullying, low self-esteem, increased suicide rates, pornography, child predators, identity thieves, sexting, severely hindered development of social and communication skills, lack of tenacity or patience, and inability to develop meaningful relationships or to filter one's words all negative outcomes being realized in detrimental ways as Millennials who grew up with smart phones in hand are entering the workforce.

Some links to consider:

• It’s ‘digital heroin’: How screens turn kids into psychotic junkies
• No electronics because I love you and want to spend time with you 
• Teen 'like' and FOMO anxiety  
• Dad Horrified to Find Vile Messages in Popular Game on Son's iPad 
• 8 Scary Social Network Sites Every Parent Should know About
• 7 Dangerous Apps that Parents Need to Know
• Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids — and How to Break the Trance
• 8 Reasons Our Tweens are Without Cell Phones
• An Open Letter to My Boys Regarding Technology (and their use of it)
• No Cell Phones for our Tweens 
• Potential Physical Health Concerns
• Chances are, your teen has sexted

Before I had completed my research on the matter, however, our daughter had saved up enough of her own money to buy an iTouch.  It's not a phone, and we have very strict monitoring and blocking software on it, so at this point, she can only text friends, receive a limited number of emails, and go to websites we authorize,  none of which can have buttons or links to social media sites. We also have our home internet secured with blocking technology to limit whatever friends and family can access when connected to our home internet.

Despite all those safeguards, we still monitor her texts. She must put her iTouch on the charger in my husband's office every night, knowing we could read all her texts.  The parents of her texting friends also monitor their group chats, and we keep each other informed of any texts that seem insulting or convey anything other than a kind and gracious tone.  The girls are learning that words on a screen do not convey body language or voice inflections, so it's very easy to misinterpret someone's words based on how one girl might be feeling about herself that day.

When we see conversation going south, we take advantage of those teachable moments.  One mom misinterpreted something my daughter had said as hurtful.  Upon further investigation, it seems like more of a misinterpretation than hurtful comment with any intention of being unkind. Even so, kids need to understand that when they joke around with each other with nicknames and such, they must do so while edifying each other, for no joke is funny or permissible if it hurts someone else.

To illustrate the power of words sent via any web based  platform, whether email, text, or social media, I bought a brand new tube of toothpaste and told my daughter to squeeze out all the toothpaste, which represents our words.  Then I told her that we accidentally said something we regret, so we want to put that portion of the toothpaste back in the tube. But there is no way to take back words that go out into the web.  Copies are saved by servers and users at any number of levels.  Even the federal government, Obama's shadow government, Google, Amazon, every social media platform, smart TVs and household appliances, and any "smart" device with web access are savings and/or tracking whatever we say or do.  Be careful.  Think before you speak.