Things I never thought I would hear at the dinner table

Before children, meal times with my husband were calm, relaxing, and filled with both encouraging conversation and spurts of laughter.  After children, dinner time with the family is not always relaxing, and encouraging conversations are often interrupted by children who can't wait their turn to speak and by spurts of "loving correction".  I am appalled at some of things I hear at the dinner table.  Here are a few soundbites from our family's dinner table:

From my mouth:

• You know you are a redneck if bringing a baked ham to a family gathering requires duct tape. 

• No shoes, socks, or feet on the table please. 

• You have chili on both sides of your mouth and on your chin, nose, and neck.  

• Please do not talk like a hick. (They thought I said 'hiccup'.) 

• No potty talk at the table please.

• Never burp at the table.  Excuse yourself if you must.

• Why, children, I think your handmade craft makes a finer centerpiece for our kitchen table than the one I bought from Pier 1.

 

• If you continue to make messes around and under the table like farm animals, then you will eat your next meal outside in the barnyard. 

• You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.  

• Please put the book down.  No reading during dinner.

• Wait honey, let me get that bear hair off your plate.  I must have missed that one when I washed the raw bear meat.

Roasted bear with mushroom sauce, spring vegetable medley with cilantro & lime, and slow cooked whole grain Wehani rice,

From the mouth of the 5-year old babe:

• Are you ready?  Drumroll......PLEASE....muwah! (kissing sound)  

• You are the best cook ever! (Whenever I serve something overly processed that only requires quick heating before serving) 

• No way am I eating this! (Whenever I spend hours preparing an elaborate, nourishing meal)

•  Can we go to Cici's?

• How much money do I need to save to buy a convertible? (Too bad he just blew his savings yesterday on a $75 Lego set.)

• Dad, can you believe they STILL haven't fixed that truck we see propped up on a jack every day on our way to school.  It's been like that since school started!  (See previous post for details)

From the 7-year old this evening:

• Mom, that knife looks like the Bowie knife we studied in class for our unit on the Alamo.  Can I bring it to class tomorrow?  (Her school may be unlike any other school, but I seriously doubt knives would be welcome there.)

From both kids, repeated multiple times, after every dinner:

• I ate my vegetables.  May I have a treat PLEASE!!!

After reading this blog post, I have a feeling I'm not the only mother who has experienced a change in the nature of dinner conversations since adding children to the family.