What My Kids Have Taught Me (Part 2): Forgiveness

Lesson #2:  Forgive Quickly
Our children are best friends, yet they sometimes argue as one might expect from a pair of siblings, especially now that the younger one is old enough to begin refusing his sister's orders.  When they do argue, however, they never remain angry at each other for very long.  In fact, the worst punishment they can receive, in their minds, is to be separated.  Forgiveness is offered quickly, often even before penitence leads the offender to sincere repentance.  They would rather forgive one another so they can resume playing together again than harbor any bitterness.  They are still quite young, but I do hope and pray the spirit of forgiveness will remain steadfast.

Good friends readily forgive

The person I have the hardest time forgiving is myself.  When I have wronged my children or misjudged a situation, they have always accepted my repentance quite easily.  Their forgiveness feels like a shower of healing balm poured out over my soul.  I am so thankful for their readiness to forgive.

My shower of forgiveness

Forgiveness can sometimes become harder as we experience the same hurts over and over again.  When a friend I trusted handed me a check in exchange for my car, I never doubted that her check was good.  It wasn't until I had deposited the check and had relocated to another part of the country that I learned that the check had bounced.  After some time in prayer and realizing that I would not be receiving a good check or an apology, I was reminded that everything we think we possess really belongs to the Lord.  That car was God's, not mine.  It did not take me long to forgive, and I became wiser regarding which form of payment I would accept in future business transactions.

Further financial losses came through broken contracts.  I was hurt by how freely people seemed to take advantage of me financially.  During that time, two sets of friends in different parts of the country were each facing heart wrenching tragedies as victims of drunk driving accidents. Even in their great loss, they offered Christlike forgiveness to those at fault, so who was I to grow bitter over silly monetary squabbles?  Sadly, it took a little longer to regain proper perspective with each successive financial infraction, but forgiveness and the resulting freedom that forgiveness brings did eventually come.  These minor money issues paled in comparison to future unjust financial losses which were over 12 times higher than the value of that first car.   As the theme continued and the stakes increased, forgiving became more difficult.  I tried to forgive again and again, but when I would see my offender, all I could see was the monetary obligation.

The hurt I felt with each of those early financial injustices was like a tiny splinter in my heart.  When I tried to pick it out with tweezers (human means), I only pushed it in deeper, but when I looked up to Heaven and resumed my work, the activity of being about my Father's business caused the splinter to work its way out, freeing me from the pain and irritation.

With each fiscal offense, the stakes increased, and the splinters grew larger.  The last one was so annoying that I just couldn't make myself leave the splinter alone.  It nagged me constantly, and the more I tried to pull it out, the more irritation and swelling I experienced. I kept asking, "Why do people think that because I have something they don't have that they are entitled to take it from me?"  Giving to those in need is great joy, but having things taken from me feels terrible. I cried out to God asking,  "How many more times will I need to forgive someone for stealing from me?"  Then the Lord reminded me of Matthew 19:21-22:

²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 

When the Lord allows a series of hurts into our lives, they often carry a common theme, and He uses these hurts to train us unto righteousness.  For me, the theme was money.  Was I holding on to money too tightly?  God was preparing me for the day when I would give up a prosperous career to stay home with our children.  Now I can say that I am thankful for those hurts which God has been using to teach me to let go of earthly things.  Money can't buy the freedom, joy, and inner stability that come through walking by faith.

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  (Matthew 6: 19-20)
 

Another area in which I have experienced repeated offense is in regard to my reputation.  Why do some people feel compelled to speak evil against others?  While slander is repeatedly condemned throughout scripture, I am sure there have been many times when my actions or attitudes have merited negative commentary.  At other times, the hurtful words have been due to misunderstandings. On occasion, the slander was possibly aimed at me simply because of my decision to follow Christ.  

Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. (2 Timothy 3:12)

I know that whatever someone says about me will inevitably influence the way those who hear the gossip perceive me and could easily distort how my words and actions are interpreted.  So, when evil is spoken against me, my instinct is to retreat. However, God commands us to forgive.  He also teaches in His word that we can always overcome falsehood with His truth.  We must always hold on to the truth of who we are in Christ.  As a believer, I am a child of God, and nothing anyone can say about me will change my identity in Him.   Their words may alter others' perceptions of me for a time, but my identity never changes, and the truth will eventually come to light.

²⁹"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. (John 10:29)

We have been sealed by His Spirit guaranteeing our identity and inheritance.

²¹ Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, ²² set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Corinthians 1: 21-22)

While others may attack my reputation, no person or thing can change who I am in Christ.  I wrote in more detail about my journey to self identity in this post.  Therefore, we should easily forgive those who speak evil against us as Christ has so mercifully forgiven us.

¹ Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
² Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. (Psalm 32: 1-2)

I am so thankful for the way my children daily remind me to quickly forgive others and myself.