Parenting Your Mini-Me

People have told me countless times that my daughter looks just like me.


It's more obvious when I compare photos of us at the same age in the same dress.

Me

Mini Me

As an adopted child, I never gave much thought to genetics.  Now that I have my own mini-me, however, genetic similarities are always before me. Our likenesses run deeper than physical appearance. She and I also share an incredible number of personality traits and common interests.  Her dreams, thoughts, emotions, size, shape, and energy level are remarkably similar to my own at that age.

How do those commonalities affect the relationship between us?  We tend to understand how the other thinks.  This quality can be helpful or strategic, for better or for worse.   Opposites often attract because they complement one another.  Similar personalities may have similar opinions and therefore argue less often, but they are more likely to clash in situations where a complement is needed.

When a mother looks at her mini-me, she more readily notices the imperfections in that child's character that she possesses herself.  God works through all children to refine us, but when a child is such a clear reflection of yourself, it is impossible to ignore areas of sinful strongholds in your own life.   That dear child of mine regularly sends me to my knees in prayer and repentance.  Even the tiny little quirks about her such as her high activity level have made me more mindful of how annoying my similar behaviors might be to others. As I attempt to train her to show respect and preference to others, I am speaking to my heart as much as to hers.

This past Saturday was family yard day at our home.  We had an enormous punch list for the day, and my devoted parents even drove into town to help us.  At approximately 70 years old, they are both strong workhorses when it comes to landscaping, and I love them dearly for serving us in that way.  Since we were all busy with chores, I tried to entice our daughter to join us in our labors.  I offered her $5 per bag she filled with the sweet gum balls that had fallen from our neighbor's tree into our yard.  She replied, "No thanks.  It's not worth it to me.  I would not want to be materialistic or anything."

She would rather pose than work in the yard!

Her comment made us all laugh, but it spoke more deeply to me.  I was the same way at her age.  I much preferred playing in the yard than working in it. Because I wasn't interested in these activities during my youth, I did not learn proper lawn care until I bought my first home as a single gal at age 23 and had to learn all those skills the hard way. I still have so much yet to learn.

Ever since early childhood, I have loved the Lord, going to church, reading the Bible, and sharing God's truths with others.  My daughter is no different in that respect, and she tries to apply the truths she is learning.  When she was challenged at church to go and tell others about Jesus, she proceeded to tell strangers at the fitness center and her gymnastics teacher about Jesus the following week.  This past week, her Sunday School lesson was on humility.  As we were driving home from church on Sunday, we sat at a stoplight for 3 iterations before I said,  "That green light is too short.  Only 2 cars can get through it before it turns red again."  Then she replied, "That light is teaching you humility, Mom.  Put others first."  She refines me alright!  She is also very dogmatic about keeping the Sabbath, especially when I ask her to practice the piano, clean up her room, or help me set the table on Sundays.

I sometimes wonder if my parents found it easier to avoid fault finding with me since I was adopted and had no genetic similarities that they recognized in themselves.  Interestingly, however, I have grown to look and act more like them a little more each day.

I desperately want to view my children through God's eyes, so I have thought much about how God must view us as His adopted children. The Bible emphatically teaches that God looks upon us with inexpressible love.  He sees beyond what we are today to what we will be when we are perfected in Christ.

 John 3:1-2
 ¹ See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears.

From the beginning, His desire for us was that we would reflect His image.

Genesis 1:27
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

So, if the supremely holy God looks at us in the same way that parents look at their children, searching for His image in us, then instead of finding fault, He should only see His perfect attributes reflected in us.

Galatians 5
 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

When mankind fell into sin, a great schism separated man from the one true and perfectly righteous God who cannot by His very nature be in fellowship with sin.  God loved us too much to keep us separated from Himself, so He put His plan from the beginning of time into motion to redeem mankind through faith in Christ.   God sent His most precious possession, His only begotten Son, to bear the sin of the whole world upon Himself, so that our penalty for sin could be paid in full.  Christ's blood covers those who come to Him in faith, so that when God looks at us, He no longer sees our sin but rather, He sees the righteousness of Christ.

He longs to fellowship with us and have us call Him "Abba" which is an intimate term that means "Daddy".

Galatians 4:4-7
⁴ But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. ⁶ Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” ⁷ So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Because of His great love and mercy, we can come boldly to His throne of grace and find mercy and compassion.  

Hebrews 4
¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

While I may have one theological concern with the lyrics in Amy Grant's hit from long ago, Father's Eyes (click here to listen), the overriding message of this song speaks directly to my desire to notice the good in my mini-me (not just the imperfections I see in myself) and to nurture her with compassion while offering her hope and help. 

When Christ returns in final victory, He will give us new bodies that will never perish.  Then God and everyone else will see us in perfected, glorified bodies that will never suffer pain or sickness. 

1 Corinthians 15:49
⁴⁹ And just as we have borne the image of the earthly man, so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man.

So when I consider how God sees us, I'm reminded that genetics are not really the issue.  What really matters is that my children know Christ intimately and live in perpetual communication with Him.  I should be searching for His likeness in them, not my own.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me. 

(Lorica of St. Patrick, 7th paragraph, circa 377)

As a parent, my number one priority must be to reflect Christ to our children.  Phillips, Craig, and Dean expressed this idea beautifully in their song, "I Want To Be Just Like You".  Heavenly Father, please mold my mini-me into a mini-Jesus who will spread your love, joy, grace, and peace across the earth throughout her life.