Parenting, apologetics, and some hopes for my kids

Parenting is hard work.  If we truly love our kids, we will faithfully train them and offer correction as needed.  In my weekly Bible study, we've been studying the book of Proverbs which is filled with great parenting advice and helpful reminders. 

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go,
    and when he is old he will not turn from it.

The Book of Proverbs uses the word "train" when describing parenting.  It does not merely say to "teach" or to "preach" but to "train".  I've trained for a myriad of new jobs.  I've trained for full marathons. I do rigorous strength training on a regular basis.  Teaching is merely giving instruction, possibly only once, but training is consistent, arduous, repetitive, thoughtful, purposeful, and very difficult.  Effective training requires diligence and discipline.  Training is never easy.  And parenting is never as easy as we dreamed it would be before having children of our own.

 

Training our kids must begin very early before wrong thinking and bad habits take root in the heart of the child. (Lamentations 3:27) 

Proverbs 22:15

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
    but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Parents who unconditionally love their children will discipline them just as God disciplines us.

Proverbs 3:12

because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

While the Proverbs do not provide guarantees, they do give us general guiding principles.  If we are faithful to train and discipline our children correctly, with diligence and consistency, then we are more likely to experience peace and joy as our children grow in wisdom.

Proverbs 29:17

Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
    he will bring delight to your soul.

 Proverbs 29:15

The rod of correction imparts wisdom,
    but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

On those days when parenting seems especially challenging, exhausting, and simply overwhelming, I want to remember these precepts and recall some of the more enjoyable teachable moments with my kids.  When they make me laugh or show evidence of developing a Godly virtue, then I want to celebrate those moments and take note of them for future encouragement.

My mother kept a keepsake journal for me during my school age years.  For each grade of school, she would record a few things about me such as my height, weight, teachers' names, favorite activities, new friends, and career aspirations and paste my school picture to each grade section.  She would also include a few pieces of school work or letters to represent that school year.  When my kids received their school picture proofs this past week, I pulled out my journal to compare my photo at that age to my daughter's since most people say we look just alike.  In so doing, she pulled out one of my writing assignments from that year and rolled on the floor laughing at my imaginative stories.  Apparently, I wasn't always so left brained.  It was a great bonding moment for us both as she appreciated my stories and saw more similarities between us.  While reading one story which was written in my best 8-year-old cursive handwriting on notebook paper (now faded to a brownish yellow) she commented, "Oops, Mom, you made a typo!"  She is clearly a child growing up in the digital age!

4th grade school picture proofs

My boy has always wanted a continual buffet at our house as his teeny tiny belly wants him to graze all the time, just like his mama does.  I really try to encourage him to eat more at each meal so that I can get out of the kitchen occasionally.  All that whining about being hungry can get annoying after the 1432nd time. When I picked him up from school this past Thursday, he complained of being hungry, and we had four hours of driving to/from activities ahead of us with very little time to stop off for snacks. I asked him if he ate all of his lunch and snacks, and he confessed that he did not eat his lunch. Feeling frustrated, I probed further to find out why and then discovered that he had offered his lunch to a boy at school who had left his lunch at home.  We treated our generous boy to several servings of bacon wrapped steak for dinner!  Whenever he complains of being hungry again, I don't think I will be so annoyed.  Instead, I will thank God for teaching him to put others first.  I hope I will learn to follow my boy's example.

1st grade school picture proofs

Whenever I take the kids to/from school, we pass a gorgeous 175 acre horse farm on which sits a beautiful historical mansion. My daughter and I have always dreamed of living on a horse farm, so when I saw that the property was for sale, for fun, I examined the listing.  Seeing the $6.35 million price tag (not a bad price for so much land near a city where land sells for over $1M per acre), I wondered how I would convince my daughter that we should not buy this property.  When she saw that the house had 7800 sq. ft of finished living space, however, she said, "That's way too much house to clean," and lost interest. Giving her chores is having the desired effect after all!

Here are a few pics since there are so many ideas in this house that I would like to copy in our next home.

 

 

 

 

I'm glad my daughter understands that everything we own has the potential to own us.  We must consider the full costs, not just the purchase price of any material thing we desire before buying it.

Another principle I hope my kids will grasp when they approach the teenage years is that of avoiding serious dating relationships until they are ready to pursue a lifetime spouse.  I saw this quote on Facebook and wanted to post it here as a reminder to teach them about courtship vs. cultural dating.

 

Heavenly Father, please help them understand why it is so important to avoid serious relationships which build emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy because these were only intended to exist between husband and wife.  Any one type of intimacy will lead to too much intimacy in the other areas.  May these precious children save themselves (heart, soul, and body) for the future mate you have for each of them instead of leaving fragments of themselves with a string of people leaving little left for the lifetime mate you have chosen for each of them.

On Feb 2, I overheard my 8-year-old having a conversation with her brother's talking Darth Vader figurine:

Darth: The dark side is strong with you.
My Girl: Maybe, but Jesus is stronger!
Darth: It is your destiny!
My Girl: Nope! Heaven is my destiny!

I hope and pray she'll never forget these truths, especially when professors, educators, the media, and politicians try to brainwash her into believing Satan's lies.  I remember having heated confrontations with professors in college.  One professor, who wore the Darwin fish pin with evolving legs on his lapel every day, constantly tried to ridicule me, but I did not back down from my beliefs.  While I may have gotten an A in God's eyes, this professor gave me a very subjective B that year, ruining my 4.0 GPA.  When I asked him why, he gave me no answers. He only said, "You did B work."  To my kids, I say, "Get a B or even an F if you have to, but never back down from the truth."  

The following conversation between a student and a professor, which is likely made up and never happened, still provides a vision of what I hope conversations are like for my kids should they ever have antagonistic professors who do not worship the one true God.

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.  Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

Before my kids leave home, I want them to clearly understand why they believe what they believe.  My daughter is going through struggles now in her walk with Christ.  She doesn't doubt His existence, for even the demons know He is, and all of creation declares it.  When she falls short, however, she feels so distant from Him, so we've been working through her crisis of belief together. 

Do I believe God is near when He doesn't feel close?  Do I believe Christ's payment was enough?  Do I trust Him to mold me into His image or am I, in my own stubborn independence, still trying to be perfect in my own strength?  Does the clay do the shaping and molding or does the Potter?  These are the types of questions she is grappling over, and while I pray for her through the trials, I am rejoicing as well because I know that working through each crisis of belief will bring her from a point of believing because her parents, church teachers, and school teachers tell her it's true to believing because she knows with every fiber of her being that it is true. 

¹⁷ Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise;
    apply your heart to what I teach,
¹⁸ for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart
    and have all of them ready on your lips.
¹⁹ So that your trust may be in the Lord,
    I teach you today, even you.
²⁰ Have I not written thirty sayings for you,
    sayings of counsel and knowledge,
²¹ teaching you true and reliable words,
    so that you can give sound answers to him who sent you? (Proverbs 22, 17-21)

Our son has accepted Christ with blind faith, trusting his parents to always tell him the truth.  His faith has not been tested yet.  When I tucked him in recently, I asked him, "How do you know God is all He says He is in the Bible?  How do you know He is real?  How do you know His promises are true?"  He simply responded, "Because you and my teachers told me so." That simple faith is precious, but my goal for both of my children is to own it, live it, know it.

Years ago, I remember discussing end times with someone who has been raised in the faith and remains actively involved in the church.  He concluded by simply saying, "I guess we will all find out who was right in the end."  Unlike the moral relativists of our day, he understands that two contradictory belief systems can't both be true.  If Christ claims to be the only way to God, then any other belief system that presents another way cannot also be true. If A = C, and A does not equal B, then B cannot equal C.  That's introductory logic.  

However, to say "I guess we will find out" implies a hint of uncertainty.  While we all have doubts from time to time about various aspects of our faith, when we know God's truth, have experienced His power and have intimate fellowship with Him, then there is no guessing. We know the truth is as He tells us in His word.  He has never broken a promise!  Every prophecy of Christ's coming was perfectly fulfilled.  He is completely trustworthy!

John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

While theological issues over which event comes first in the end times will not be made plain until that time, there is no question whatsoever over who will be victorious and who is the only One who can save us.  To own it isn't just to choose one belief system over another but to believe it and know it to be true with utmost certainty.

Mark 9:23-25

²³ “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”
²⁴ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”