Lessons From Mom (Part 1): They're Gonna Remember This

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after them. (Deuteronomy 4:9)

Introduction
Trace Adkins's hit song, You're Gonna Miss This, has touched the hearts of multitudes. The lyrics, written by Stefanae, remind us to treasure each moment we are given, even the hard times, because one day, we will look back on those moments and wish we could have them back.  The inspiring music video can be viewed here.

The song includes a verse that matches the stage of life I am in right now.

Five years later
There's a plumber
Working on the water heater
Dogs barking, phones ringing
One kid's crying, one kid's screaming
She keeps apologizing
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got two babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.

We had a plumber here twice last week, and we'll need him again soon because our dishwasher pump just broke.  Instead of listening to barking dogs, we find ourselves chasing after the neighbor's 3-legged cat who keeps sneaking inside our house!  Our kids are often crying, and I do a lot of apologizing.  I am in the season of parenting young children.

Background

This past Friday, my precious mother celebrated her 70th birthday.  Dad cooked up a clever plan to surprise her with a huge party in her honor on her birthday.  That surprise was no easy task considering that Dad had just undergone hand surgery, and Mom was always by his side tending to his every need.  Whenever I would call to discuss details for the party, she would inevitably be right there beside him nurturing him as she does anyone with a need.  When any big event takes place at our church, my mother is almost always actively involved, employing her gift of service (1 Corinthians 12) to the extreme.  Planning a party without her help is very difficult, and she couldn't believe we actually pulled it off!  I will eventually do a separate blog post including pictures and videos from that party, but in this post, I want to share a profound yet simple truth the Lord laid on my heart through the words of my mother following that party.

Mom on her 70th Birthday

The Gift
In addition to the gift of service, my mother also has the spiritual gift of giving.  She never comes to visit us without her arms (or the trunk of her vehicle) full of gifts for all of us.  She has served as my underpaid personal shopper for many years.  If anyone needs something unique, she can find it.  She also manages to find everything she wants or needs for herself on sale somewhere.  I would guess that her #1 love language is giving and receiving gifts, but unfortunately, gifts is the hardest of all the love languages for me to express.  For her 70th birthday, I wanted to give her something meaningful and from the heart, but what do you give someone who already has everything and who can out shop you any day even while blindfolded?  I decided to simply gave back to her what she's been giving me my entire life. I gave her the gift of fond memories by printing an embossed book that was filled with 70 fond memories I had of her.  

The Lesson:  The Significance of Mundane Tasks
Her response to my gift (the memory book) and to the words shared by my brother at her party has been on my mind all weekend. She said,  "As we go through life doing all the necessary things for our children, we never realize the impact of our actions.  Some people never know how their children feel".   She was grateful to have been told how we feel about her and what memories we hold most dear.

As I looked through the book I had made for her, I was struck by how some of my favorite memories with her are the little things, like the way she held and comforted me. This morning as we rushed off to church, I can remember feeling frustrated when our daughter wanted me to style her hair in a way that took more of my time. I was irritated when I realized that our son's shoes didn't match his pants because I had not taken the time to help him get ready for church. Yet, when I look at one of the first pages in the book I made for Mom, I realize that her seemingly mundane efforts to curl my hair and tend to my clothing, even saving some of my special dresses for my daughter to wear, were memories that stuck with me all these years.

Do I find joy in these daily chores with my children?  Do I treasure these moments with the knowledge that some day, I'm going to miss these moments?  Taking that thought one step further, do I ever consider that these mundane activities will become memories that my children will remember and possibly even cherish some day?  Will they remember me as a mom who served them joyfully in all things or as a mom who seemed perpetually annoyed by the monotony of it all?

Finding Balance and Providing Support
I have read a number of parenting books that recommend limiting the number of extracurricular activities we allow our children to participate in to help prevent home life from becoming harried, busy, and stressed-out.  The books do not say that extracurricular activities, in and of themselves, are bad, but they do caution against involving kids in too many extracurricular activities or putting too much pressure on our kids to perform in these activities.  Stress is like a slow cancer.  

My parents did a great job maintaining a healthy balance in our family.  They helped me be selective in my extracurricular activities, and those activities I ended up pursuing were largely a function of the values my family held most dear.  Church involvement was always a top priority.  Activities that strengthened relationships, built character, and taught discipline (Y Princess, Scouts, piano) were also important.   Some of my fondest childhood memories are rooted in my parents' steadfast support through all my activities.  I can't remember ever being pressured to perform even after they had invested so much time and money into 12 years of piano lessons.  Without that added pressure, I found I could excel even more.

I have never been one to cry over sad or sappy movies or at funerals, but I have shed tears at every single game, performance, or recital in which our kids have participated.  As I watch them give their best effort in these outside activities, I remember how much my parents supported me when I attempted new activities as a child.  Serving as our kids' taxi cab driver and cheerleader for their extracurricular activities doesn't seem like a very glamorous job, but they will remember our efforts to support and encourage them in all they do. 

Hospitality
Another fond memory of Mom is the way she offered hospitality.   She let me have a big birthday party every single year I lived at home.  She hosted other parties throughout the year as well.  I cherish all those slumber parties on the glassed-in porch.  She always came up with creative games, activities, and food for those parties.  Now, I find myself trying to continue the tradition with our children.  Mom never hosted these parties to impress others or to spoil me.  She simply enjoyed being hospitable and wanted her guests and her children to feel extra special.  I hope our children will look back on their birthday parties and remember feeling loved and treasured.  I hope our guests will feel cared for while they are here.

Mom hosted strangers in our home as well.  One weekend, she hosted 2 girls who were on tour with a Christian music group giving performances.  During the mid 1980s, she hosted Tommy Amaker (current head coach for Harvard's men's basketball team) and Jay Bilas (basketball analyst for ESPN and CBS Sports) at our home when they were starters for Duke's national championship winning basketball team.  Her willingness to host USNA Glee Club midshipmen in 1992 resulted in one of those midshipmen becoming her son-in-law. (Read that story here.)  I enjoyed meeting all these people who came to our home.  Mom taught me that hospitality is an important virtue.

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Encouragement for Mothers of Little Ones
Young children are experts at making demands and taking from us, but they are initially too immature and untrained to feel and express their appreciation.  Parenting can be an exhausting and thankless job, but our children will remember the little things we do for them.  Our daily mundane tasks as parents are more significant than we might think.  Trace Adkins reminded us that we're "gonna miss this", but even more importantly, our children will remember.  Our children are our legacy.  I pray that the imprint I leave on them will look a little more like Jesus every day.

Ephesians 6:4
...do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Click here to continue to part 2.