Our love story (part 8): Counting the costs

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." (Matthew 13:44)
 
After the trip to meet DC's family, I thought I was ready to commit to him no matter what the cost, but I had not fully counted the costs at that point.  However, just as the man in the parable of the hidden treasure sold everything he had to buy the field where his treasure was hidden, I knew that those things that we value most will always cost us something.

DC began his new job in June and drove almost five hours to see me during many of the weekends that followed.  Sometimes, I would drive up to meet him at my parents' home.  When I came to see him, we attended the church I had attended in college that had meant so much to me during those formative years.  Even though he lived 45 minutes away from the church, he immediately knew it was the place for him.   DC went on to join the choir and praise team at that church and taught a life class for several years.  Each Sunday that I see him singing on stage with the praise team, I remember that first weekend we met when I had watched him give concerts in my hometown.  I get goosebumps in church for more than one reason.

DC singing with our church praise team

During one of my trips back to my parents' house to visit DC, we went to the mall and (just for fun) began looking at engagement rings.  I immediately examined the rings in the store's "el cheapo" cabinet while he went for the biggest rocks Kay Jewelers carried.  After ten years of marriage, we still shop that way.  I scan all the clearance racks while his first selection is, without fail, the most expensive item in the store.   We eventually met in the middle of the store and found an oval shaped diamond that wasn't too big for my petite fingers but was of very high quality.  It seemed perfect for me at the time, but now I'm thinking that maybe I should have met him at the first cabinet he chose so people could see from a mile away that I am happily taken.

DC knew that I believed it was necessary to date for at least a full year before getting engaged so as to see one another in all seasons and to make sure what we were seeing in each other was the real deal and not a false pretense.  However, he also knew that we would remain many hours apart until he placed a ring on my finger. The long drives and the long weeks spent apart were becoming harder to endure. 

Father's Day weekend at my parents' house

July 9, 2000:  The 1st day we FINALLY exchanged the words, "I love you!"

One week as we were planning our weekend together over email, I told him to drop by Kay Jewelers on his way to my house.  He knew I was totally joking because we had only been dating for a few months.  I went to a party that Friday dressed in old, casual clothes without any makeup.   DC called me during the party to say that he would soon be in town and asked me to meet him at my house.

Tired and weary, I got back home just in time for him to ring the doorbell.  He wasted no time with idle chitchat.  He handed me a big box of Godiva chocolates.  I wasn't hungry, so I set the box aside, but he urged me take at least one piece.  I had been having issues with insomnia and insisted that I should not have any chocolate so late in the evening. Then he got down on both knees, so I knew I had to open the box!  Inside, I found that oval shaped diamond we had selected together a few weeks earlier.  He had already arranged to get the ring that weekend, so my earlier email was just a coincidence.   Had I known, I really would have tried to make myself more presentable.  It was only July 29.  We had been dating for less than three months, but we had known each other for over eight years.  That's close enough to my one year rule, right?   So after my initial shock, I accepted his proposal.   And then rose petals dropped from the sky as the choir sang the Hallelujah Chorus.

Okay, so that last sentence may be a bit of an embellishment!

I was in so much shock that I didn't think to take any photos of that sacred moment.   We tried to set a wedding date for early the following year, but we ended up postponing our date to June 9, 2001 to better accommodate his family members' schedules.  They still owe us for the double rent payments and for all the painful suffering we endured during those extra months of waiting! :-)

When DC returned to his apartment, be began cleaning out boxes and drawers.  He came across a letter (see part 4) I had written to him at the end of 1992 after our break-up.  I had concluded the letter with these words, "If only we could have met nine years later."  We found it interesting that we would be getting married nine years after we first met.  God knew how our story would end when I wrote that letter so long ago.

After lots of rejoicing and announcing our news, I began making some tough decisions.  I had never been a quitter.  I had even received the superlative, "Most Dependable" in high school.  Granted, that is the last superlative most girls want at age 18 ("Most Attractive", "Most Likely to Succeed", or even "Cutest" would have been more desirable), but it was probably the most suitable superlative for me.  Yet, after our engagement, I dropped my seminary class and withdrew from graduate school where I was working towards an MBA.

I began looking for jobs near DC's home and put a "for sale" sign in my yard.  I found a job with a start-up tech company that seemed ideal during the "dot.com" boom.  My hiring manager was a marathoner, and the start-up company had it's own fitness center and provided a life coach for every employee.  That sounded good enough for me.  So I quit my job in the fall after celebrating five years of employment with my company and dropped the big project that could have been a huge accomplishment for my resume.

Then, in the late fall of 2000, I moved in with my parents, after having been on my own for the past ten years, (this relationship cost them too!) so that I could start the new job.  The new job was located halfway between my parents' house and DC's rental house.  My workdays were long and stressful, and the traffic during commutes wore on my nerves.   At least I was living only 90 minutes from DC and could see him more easily during the weekends.

Newly engaged at my Aunt and Uncle's adventure land / lake house

I knew working for a start-up was risky, but if the company succeeded, my stock options could have provided a nice down payment on the house DC and I were already in the process of building.  I was involved with the organization enough to see that expenses exceeded revenues, but I did not have any authority to do anything about the red numbers other than to present little recommendations here and there.  Three months after my start date and only a month after others had joined the company, I came to work to find an armed security guard at the front door.  Within the next two hours, 80% of the company's workforce had been laid off, including me.  That company shut down completely over the next few months.

I drove to DC's apartment after the layoff feeling totally confused.  My house had not sold yet, so I still had mortgage payments to make.  I had given up a job I loved where I had so much opportunity for growth and promotion.  I had given up graduate school with the thought that I could transfer those credits to a university near DC's work, but that university would not accept the credits and wanted me to start over.   I can't even estimate how many hours I had already invested into that degree that were now gone. I had left my friends who had always supported me through trials before, but now I had DC and my family for support.

DC comforted me, prayed with me, and promised to provide for me with the resources God would give him.  This new path I had taken would require a loss of my own stubborn independence.  God was preparing me for the submission and sacrifice necessary for a healthy marriage.

The following weekend, I received an offer on my house which meant that my mortgage payments ended at the same time I stopped receiving a pay check.  God's timing is always perfect.

My old bedroom at Mom and Dad's house became my base of operations for wedding planning and job searching.  By the end of March, I had found a new job much closer to the house DC and I were building.   Since I would be working too far from Mom and Dad's house, the new company provided me with temporary housing until we could close on our new house.  I moved into the new house at the end of April, and DC joined me after our wedding in June.  The new job location was ideal, and the work was in a fascinating industry. That job gave me many opportunities to gain new skills without all the stress I experienced at the start-up.  It also provided me with a slight pay increase that offset the income I had lost during the lay-off period almost exactly. It was as if God had given me six weeks of paid leave to plan our wedding.  With a start date in early April, I would not have accrued enough vacation for our prepaid honeymoon in June, but the company gave me an advance on my vacation.

I also gave up competitive running after DC and I got engaged.  I have only run one race since then.  I still run when I can, but giving up racing was no where near as difficult as I had imagined it might be.

Lessons learned:

1) When God closes a door, a better one is usually about to open.
2) Trust God with every detail of your life.  He is ultimately in control, and His plans are far better than yours.
3) God's treasures are always worth the costs.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  (Jeremiah 29:11-12)

Click here to continue to part 9.
To go back to the beginning of this love story, click here.